Welcome To The Desert Of My Soul

I really really feel like I need some new ppl in my life. I think you know when its time to Let some people go their own way. When they stop bothering with u. Or when they just get so wrapped up in their fantasy of life that you become nothing. I’m also beginning to wonder why people do certain things. I just can’t comprehend some decisions my friends make. And since I’ve had the light brought into my world, its even more so. I’m just beginning to feel like I need to move on.

Seeing your face for 2 seconds wasn’t enough!!

That sounded desperate. But really. I just want him to call again

This is gonna be so awkward. Gave a guy from work my number. And I have a feeling he’s not gonna text me or anything. Why did I do that? Why can’t I leave shit alone?? Maybe I’m over thinking it. But… Idk. I just don’t want work to be awkward because I gave him my number. Ugh. Idk. Wish I could take it back.

9 months. That’s how long its been. 9 whole months and I haven’t heard a single word from you. Not even “I fucking hate u. How’s my daughter?” nothing. How can you go about life pretending she doesn’t exist. And then u wonder why I hate u so damn much. I try not to. But as much as I tell myself to love everyone. Because were all G-d’s children, and he loves us all, therefore we should all love each other… It doesn’t help. I still hate u. I still can’t help but to wish u a miserable Life. No parent should be that fucking shitty. My daughter is the single most important thing in my life. I hold her to the highest standard. You simply don’t deserve To have children. You’re shit. You’re lower than the dirt on my shoes. Consider yourself lucky that you’ve stayed away. Because the day you resurface, I won’t keep quiet. you’re gonna have to face my fury. And the words I have for you, they won’t be pretty. Because not a day goes by that I don’t remind myself of the hate I carry for you. And one day, you’re gonna have to face me. and one day, you’ll have to face Delilah. And tell her why u stayed away. And I hope she sees you for the piece of shit you are

I thought getting another Job would help. Its just upsetting me.

I’m started to feel really disconnected from people in my life. Its funny how that works. People learn about priorities and what’s important to them. And others may not agree. Others get wrapped up in relationships and stuff. I guess Its part of life. Maybe Its time for some new friends.

With where in at in life.
Okay. Maybe I could be. But I’m so happy and content. Only one person to thank for it.

#G-d, #livin for the light

Its been a while since I’ve had a heartfelt post. So here goes.

Lately, I’ve been feeling really connected to G-d and insanely blessed. He seems to be stepping in at just the right time. Giving me miracles when I need them most. I was short on money, not really knowing what I was going to do. Then I check the mail, and found my first child support check. Then I got a second job. (third if u count babysitting. But that’s less than 10 hours a week in most cases) then within a week, I get another child support check. Again. At a time when I desperately needed it. I know I’m still not financially stable. But I know I’m getting there. I have no doubt in my mind that things will be okay for us. Its all going to come together. Its gonna take time. But I’ve got plenty of time. I’ve also been finding that G-d takes me away from any impurities that go through my mind. Its funny how that’s been working. Divine intervention as I call it. I’m clearly walking the right path. I’m not messing up like I used to. Its All kosher now. From the food that goes in, to the way I live my life.

I know some people mock my faith. But I could really care less. Its not really up for debate. Some people think its extreme of fanatical. But this is how ill be living. Just wait til tznius comes into play ;)